Friday, 21 September 2012

Baffling things my parents used to make us do #1: Make a 'Humpty Dumpty' out of a pair of tights.

I always assumed my childhood was normal - possibly quite boringly so - until I mentioned a few things to my friends, expecting them to say "oh yeah, I remember doing that too" only for them to respond with "what the shitting shit?"  Things like when my dad used to take me out for an hour long drive until we arrived at a trout farm.  We would then go into the trout farm, he would purchase some form of fish food, we would chuck it all in the water and watch the trout eat it. Then we went home.  Until I was about 25, I thought everyone used to go on 2 minute long visits to distant trout farms of a weekend.  Just like I thought that when there was a thunder storm, everyone's mums ran around turning everything electrical off, shut the curtains, lit candles, made everyone wear wellies (lest we got struck by lightening) and started playing the piano and singing at deafening volume to "chase the thunder away".  I was never scared of thunder per se, but I didn't look forward to it as I knew it meant an hour of sitting under the table in darkness, clutching a rubber (US people - I mean an 'eraser', not a condom) in the absence of welly boots, listening to my storm crazed mother bashing out Rachmaninov.

For your delight, I have decided to share one of the crazy things my mother used to get me to do with you today.  You can join in too.  Please do.  I fully expect you to be putting this on Pinterest after you've read it - just set up a new board entitled "sinister looking things to make with the kids" or something.

How to make a Humpty Dumpty Out of Tights:

You will need:
* A pair of tights.  For full child of the 70s/80s effect, you need American tan ones, but I could only locate a holey purple pair.
* Lots of old newspaper.  Note re photo below: Only in my town is a photo of a child eating a sandwich considered front page-worthy news.
* Scraps of felt.
*Glue.
*A hat. The crappier the better.


Lets just bear in mind what we're aiming for here:


It's not looking good is it?

Method:
Rip up your newspaper and screw it up into balls.  use these to stuff the legs of your tights.  Small children are good at this, but you may need to redistribute it at the end to prevent Humpty from looking like he's suffering from elephantitis.  



If you've got enough newspaper, use it to stuff the top of the tights to make a body as well.  We ran out so I shoved a cushion in there.

Now get creative and cut out features from felt.  Be sure to choose lurid colours and make them look as macabre as possible for that full late 70s effect.  Tie a knot at the top of the tights to keep all the newspaper/cushions in and top with a foolish hat.  sit the terrifying result on a chair to await the return of daddy from work/some other poor unsuspecting visitor who you want to scare the very crap out of.


Look at my oddball child loving this creepy monstrosity to bits.  He's definitely more impressed than I ever was.  I clearly remember thinking that my mother had lost it, but I'd better be kind and pretend it was good in case I tipped her over the edge.  Maybe Rory's just a better actor than I ever was.


Now....PIN IT, PEOPLE.



Linking up the the Pin Addicts challenge HERE.



18 comments:

  1. After a crappy day, this made me chuckle out loud. Love it! Thank you :)

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  2. In fact, I'm going to go out and buy a pair of tights just to make this. Happy days.

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    1. I am going to need to see photos!

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  3. This looks horrifyingly familiar... I think we did it, but I was clearly so traumatised by the crotch/face visual conundrum I erased it from memory!

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  4. My 14 year old daughter is now insisting that we make one of these!!!

    You have started a dangerous new craze....

    Helenxx

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  5. When there was a thunder storm my mom did the same thing, and she always made us to sit in the corridor (away from windows).Well she didn't sing though...:-)

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  6. Crying with laughter! Thank you!
    Aly

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  7. This is horrendously funny! Finally, an excuse to do something with that pair of vile Nora Batty-esque tights that have been languishing in the back of my drawer for the last year. My child will HATE it. And probably love it a little bit too.

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  8. Love it! I remember making snakes from the legs but I don't remember a craft involving the use of an entire pair of tights, genius!

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  9. That is...something.
    My mum was the opposite during storms. I would run to the window to watch and she would yell "Everybody! Wellies! Quickly!"
    *Cue family of four and two dogs running about in the garden in the pouring rain*

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  10. My mother used to take me to the trout farm! Ahh, memories...

    Hannah

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  11. Ok, this is adorable. I worked with children for years in different environments and did all kinds of artsy/craftsy stuff but I have never seen this. Btw, I'm glad you clarified the whole "rubber" thing, but now I'm picturing you holding a little eraser to ward off lightning. Is that right? If so, there is no way that would work. Of course, the rain boots wouldn't help either. Then again, maybe I'm just taking this all too literally :)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah. My mum's not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to science.

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  12. Your posts always make me LOL! Oh and your little boy is adorable!

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  13. Love it! Your parents sound like a hoot, I can appreciate this story as our house was a wee bit mad too with my Mum pretending the dolls had come to life and moving them around the house.

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  14. I haven't laughed this hard in weeks. You might even be responsible for bringing on an early labour for me. Don't worry; I'll send the bill.

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    1. Please call the baby Humpty in my honour if it works.

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